The Second Pee from the Corner

Male dogs are all about peeing as macho behavior, pure and simple. A male dog and his bladder are like a human tagger with a paint can.

It is not that female dogs are above peeing to mark a territory or to one-up a rival. After all, what does the expression "pissed off" mean?

Yes, of course; we pee to rid ourselves of waste, but there is a practical side to it. A female dog peeing is the equivalent of a human bookmarking a Web site. When we pee, there is a purpose,which differentiates us from male dogs, who pee too show off. I enjoy bullying Ralph to the point where he pees from fear. If Fido pees too much when we're out on a hunt, a good quick slash to his heels or his chops works wonders.

I could tell from the scent he brought back with him yesterday that the Boss had had lunch with C., who is no slouch as a trompe l'oeil artist in addition to his writerly talents. Thinking about C's work, I began to wonder how long it would take him and the Boss to recognize my strong suit, the trompe du nez. Have I not given clues with the almost constant rime of dirt on my nose? Of course those two, the Boss and C. are more sight oriented, although damn straight, they are both so blind at night that it takes a dog to lead them. Trompe l'oeil. Trick of the eye. Mine is the trick of the nose. Certain human artists, the still-life painters and photographers, begin to, ha ha, get the picture when they represent hanging birds, hares, cheeses; when they arrange fruits and veggies on a table or window sill. W.C.W. wrote a poem about plums that, even though I detest the thought of fruit in my own diet, makes my mouth pucker just to think about. There is something captivating about the thought of a bird or hare, hung for a few days while the artist gets the work down. Ah, rotting flesh! Ah, dead seals at the beach! But I digress. Trick of the nose, here I come.